I need help removing her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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