Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
