shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
