i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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