Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
