just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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