Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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