Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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