he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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