it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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