Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
