turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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