would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
