im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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