she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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