I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
