I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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