thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
