I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
