Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
