Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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