Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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