When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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