It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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