At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
