You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
