Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i now understand why vodka
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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