It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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