he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
