nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
