marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
