Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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