i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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