: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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