So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
