Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
