There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
