You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
