I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
