umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
