why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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