you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
