He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
