there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
