So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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