remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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