Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
