What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
