Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
