Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
