how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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