WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
