I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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