shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I will pee on everything he values.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
