So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
