My hand turned me down
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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