dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
