yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
