i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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