it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
