Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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