So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
