I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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