I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
