I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
