Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
