I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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