I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize