Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
