Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
