I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
