My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
