he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
