it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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