So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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