shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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