New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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